How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
