I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
