if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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