JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
