Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
