He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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