His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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