He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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