a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize