on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize