When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
