I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
