I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
