wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
