i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
