I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
