i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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