i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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