Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she smelled like a LAN party
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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