No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His nipple licking is glorious
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