tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want her autograph on my taint
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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