my phone cant type all the emotion im having
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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