just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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