Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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