I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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