At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
