Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
