i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
