All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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