i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
