I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
