based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
