I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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