You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize