There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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