Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like death gave me a hand job
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
