The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
