she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
