just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My dick has a subreddit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
