He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
