Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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