Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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