I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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