it hurts more in the daytime
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
