I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
