Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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