Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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