she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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