I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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