When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
