Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
