I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
