I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
