I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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