what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize