I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
