I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
