I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
