thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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