I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How external is "for external use only"?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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