I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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