Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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