one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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