After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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