Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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