i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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