Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
