Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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