Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
