we have officially lost it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
